Did you know concrete covered buildings always grow stale

Numbness flows throughout my body instead of blood
Everything is growing dark and closing in
Why did I have to fall in love
When I was so close to the end?
My ending was just beginning
I was about to say goodbye and let it all go
i just wanted to watch it flow
Life is draining out of me
As my blood slowly drips onto the floor
The carpet stops it from making a sound
Everything is magnified
Everything is real
All I have to do is go a little deeper
Just a little deeper
A little bit harder
A little bit slower
Drag it across
Make my pain real
Connect me to reality

So hold me in your heart...I'll protect you for always

I know that I am not what you want. I know that I will never be the first person on your mind...and I thought I could accept that. But I don't know if I can. Because it doesn't even seem like I am on your mind at all. I don't want to be the most important person to you, I just want to be a person to you. It hurts to know how little I mean to you, especially compared to how much you mean to me. why can't you love me? is there something so wrong with me that drives people away? what do i do? i can change. i can be who you want me to be. just please, don't leave me. don't disappoint me. protect me. save me. hold me. I want to melt into your arms...because in your arms, is where I feel safe. It is the only place where I feel safe.

Everybody says don't

To put it simply...I am afraid.
I am afraid that you are going to see how wonderful you really are...and leave me.
I have given so much of myself for you,
I have given up so much, changed so much...
I have contorted myself into a person that I don't recognize
All to make you happy.
And for the most part, I don't mind.
Really. I don't.
And that frightens me, but not as much as the fear of you leaving.
I am afraid that you will realize that you are meant for so much better than me
And you are going to go find it.
I want you to. I want you to be happy more than anything...
But selfishly I want to keep you here with me.
Because you are what makes me happy.
You compliment me, because we are so different.
You complete me.
But I know I will have to let you go, and that scares the hell out of me
Because I don't want to.
Because I have given up parts of myself for you
And I hate myself for that, but love you even more.
I just don't want you to leave me.

I find it funny that I can pour my heart out here on this thing...when in reality, I could NEVER say any of this...to anyone. None of my friends know I have this; and I am not going to tell them. Because you, whoever you are, who are reading this are getting a glimpse into my head and my heart...and there is no one who gets that chance. Because I would feel weak...and vulnerable...

Her joy overwhelms her and her sorrow never subsides

Am I a failure?
Will I ever be happy?
Will I ever know love? Friendship? Trust? Honesty?
Will I ever experience pure happiness, not tainted by sorrow?
Will I ever get it right?

I feel like a shadow....walking behind who you think I am

All I try to be, is for you.
What I say is just for your benefit...
And you just don't see.
I don't know who I am, I just know I am not who you want me to be...
Not really.
I am not the happy go-lucky girl, who always has a smile.
I am not the girl dreaming of being a princess.
I am not the girl that tells you how she really feels.
I tell you everyday that I am fine...but I am not.
I fake it to you, everyday
Just because I have no idea who I am

Like a telegram to your soul

When life gets hard, I will be there for you.
When you need a shoulder to cry on, I will be there for you.
When you need someone to be happy for you, I will be there for you.
When you need someone to bad mouth the person who broke your heart, I will be there for you.
When you need someone to scream with, I will be there for you.
When you need someone to sing with, I will be there for you.
When you need someone to talk to, I will be there for you.
When you need someone to be crazy with, I will be there for you.
When you need someone to hold on to, I will be there for you.
When you need someone to laugh with, I will be there for you.
When you're walking down easy street, I will be there strolling with you.
When you are falling down and you are too far to be saved, I will save you.
When you are breaking down, I will be there to hold your hand.
When you are so stressed you can't see straight, I will calm you down.
When you feel like you are all alone, just look besides you and I will be there.

This is my guarentee. My friends mean the world to me. I would do anything for them....

I just wish I had someone to feel that way about me

I...

I am stubborn. I make mistakes. I can't admit to when I was wrong. I am emotional. I am secretive. I am trustworthy. I am not trusting. I am submissive. I am unhappy. I go out of my way to make others happy. I am alone. I am a little girl at heart. I am scared. I wish I could fly. I can be loud. I am curious. I like to help people. I like to talk. I like the quiet. I like to be in the water. I like to take pictures. I like to spin so much I fall down. I don't like pain. I self-inflict pain. I love to sing in the shower and in the car. I love coffee. I love the beach at night. I love night. I love rain. I love lightening. I try not to get my hopes up, but I do. I am pessmistic. I am smart. I am snarky. I am helpful. I am helpless. I don't wear makeup. I don't worry about my hair. I don't care what I wear, as long as it is comfortable. I love gaudy jewelrey. I love movies. I love guitars. I love music. I wish for the impossible. I love being right. I am confused. I am not afraid to get scraped up. I am not political. I have my own ideas about what is right and wrong. I hate being lied to. I try my best not to lie. I am independent. I like to be taken care of when I am sick. I am thoughtful. I am passionate. I get mad easily. I listen. I like board games from the 80's. I like getting mail. I like giving presents. I like making people feel good. I am physical, I like to be touched. I like people to rub my head and play with my hair. I like theatre. I like musicals. I like drama. I like psychology. I like thinking. I like debating. I like to hold hands. I like to give and get hugs. I like daquris. I like being alone in the house. I like hanging out with my friends. I like making new friends. I like forgetting hurts from the past. I like to travel. I like road trips. I hate mean people. I hate closeminded people. I hate doritios. I love mexican food. I love caramel coffee drinks. I love the wind. I hate it when it is so hot. I hate when it is so cold. I like autumn. I like leaves. I like scenery. I like to yell. I like to hurt the people who have hurt me (even though I never get the chance to). I am protective of thoe I care about. I had to grow up too fast. I keep all my problems inside so they don't bother you. I want to get a tattoo. I am afraid of needles. I want to be special at something.

I am just me.

Where you bleed just to know you are alive

You could say that I am just your average girl.
I don't excel at sports or math.
I am not popular with the boys.
I am not the prettiest girl in the world.
I am not the greatest musician.
I am not the best listener.
I can't give good advice, yet my advice isn't notoriously bad.
I am not creative.
I am not rational.
I am not a leader.
I am just your average girl.
Yet I do have something that few others have...
I have a tragic past...one that I cannot move on from.
One that despite everything I try I cannot forget it.
I can't let it go.
I can't be free.
I paste on a plastic smile every day
I hide all my tears behind laughter and all my fears behind a smile.
I scream on the inside while I sit calmly listening to you.
You would never know.
You never know how empty I feel
Or how alone I feel, even when surrounded by friends.
I have this uncanny ability to lock away my problems to help you with yours...
And because of this I am unique...but it is lonely because I have no one to help me with mine.

Why can't we go back to the beginning?

Why can't we just forget everything that has happened
And go back to times when things were easy
Go back before all the betrayl
Before we found better things
Before all the unhappiness and stress.
Let's go back to the times when things were good
When laughter flowed more freely than tears
When smiles were more popular than frowns
When our only fears were not being able to get a ride to the mall
Let's go back to the times when stress was not in our vocabulary
When we could just be with each other
When we had no lies between us
When there were no other people in our way.
Why can't we return to the times when we were only happy with each other?
When we were so sure that no one else was as good as each other
When no one else could make us feel better
When there was no one else you knew you could trust
I guess the old saying really is true...

ignorance is bliss...

I have flaws and sometimes I even sin.

Why can't I be who you want me to be?
I try and I try
And each time I fail.
Why am I only good enough for you when you need something
Or when no one else is around?
I hate feeling oushed aside with you
Because I never push you aside
Everything I do, I do for you.
I shape my descisions and my life around you.
And all I want in return
Is for you to love me...
For me.

AHHHHHHHHH!!! This isn't FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want to have to fall in love. I don't want to have to feel insecure

Every day I seem to be reminded of one little fact
i'm not good enough for you
Everyday someone does something or says something that makes me realize
you deserve better
And every day I want to let you go, so you can have better
but i can't.
I can't because you are my better. You are my reason for doing the things I do
you are my everything
Why can't I be yours?