Can you help me, I'm bent. I'm so scared that I'll never be put back together

Does anyone read this? Has anyone stumbled across it? Probably not. If they did they would think "wow, this chick is seriously depressed." And I am. I need to be on medications (from my own diagnosis) but I'm not. And I'm not going to be.

I'm unhappy.

Isn't it funny that it is so easy to write that down...especially here, where no one I know will find it.

I am unhappy with my life. Every aspect of my life. I didn't think you were supposed to feel this way as you got older...I still do.

Nothing is going the way I want it to go. Not things with family. Not with friends. Not with work. not with school. Not with anything.

I need to feel needed. I need to be needed. And wanted. And I'm not. I have this feeling like I am just there and everyone would either be fine or better off without me here.

I don't like feeling like this. I don't like looking into the mirror and feeling numb. I don't like be startled to find tears rolling down my cheeks. I don't like having to wipe those tears away just in time to paste on a smile when someone walks into a room.

I hate the fact that I'm sad. I hate the fact that I feel like I can't tell anyone because no one will understand.

I hate that I am crazy.

I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us...

Ok. So even though none of my friends know I have this....I am gonna write to each of them what I really think about them. But I am not gonna write names...here I go...

1. No matter what I do, I will never live up to your expectations. I feel as if you only hang out wiht me for what I provide. I think that you don't need me and you don't care about me. You just want me to give. No matter how hard I try, I will never be what you want me to be. I have accepted that. You should too.

2. You use the fact that you are a Scorpio to excuse all your bad behavior. It is stupid, immature, and untrue. Get over it. Get over yourself. You are a spoiled bitch who only cares about herself. You are not the only one who has suffered through difficult times. Everyone does, but we don't make it all about ourselves. Grow the fuck up.

3. This is to 3 of you...You guys need to realize that my life does not revolve around you. I have other things to do besides cater to your every whim. I know I have encouraged it, but it needs to stop. Life is hard. I won't be able to take care of you all the time. Stop getting mad at me for having other things to do besides cater to you.

4. I don't miss you. I don't know if that is good or bad. I am doing fine without you.

5. I am happy that you are happy. I am jealous that you are happy. I want to be happy.

6. You need to also realize that I am not only your friend. I have others in my life. Stop getting mad at me for hanging out with other people.

7. I am completely jealous of you. 100%. I am jealous of your talent and how you hold such an important place in certain people's lives, without trying.

8. You haven't had it easy. I know. But stop being such a bitch and realize that things are not always about you. Fucking whore.

This is all I can think of right now....