You don't know where to go, you don't know where to hide

10 years. It has been 10 years since the life that I knew and loved ended. It has been 10 years since I have felt whole. Since I have been truly happy...innocent. Carefree.

It has ben 10 years since my life was violently ripped from me in the span of 11 minutes. Since I was lied to. Since I had to grow up so violently that I lost everything that defined me.

Have I changed so much that I don't trust people? Have I become that jaded? All in the span of 10 years? Yes. I have. And I don't know how to get it back.

How did I let myself become...this? This person who is so closed off...the person who drives everyone else away with a smile attached to her face...

Will I ever get over this? Will I ever be put back together? Will I ever be whole? Will I ever not be alone?

It has been 10 years....and I don't think I will ever be better. I think I will always be like this...

I don't want to be. I don't know how to change it.